This is one of those things. Looking back at where I have been, and seeing a little more clearly now remembering some little indicators, it seems that my condition has been slowly creeping up on me until it came to where it is today. I am still blessed because in the large scheme of things that happen to other people, mine is a pretty minor thing in comparison. I have a second cousin right now with his whole family it seems, that is suffering a bunch of unknown challenges that is really painful and disruptive of his whole life, including his children. I know what my challenge is and it deals with breathing. Without being able to breath, a person no longer is able to live. Pretty simple. Pink skin is good....grey skin is bad. Fortunately, Pulmonary Fibrosis, can be worked with by medication, machines and paying closer attention to how you breath, (I have a tendency to breath through my mouth and that is not such a good thing when your air is coming from a machine tube to your nose), but it is not curable at this time. Maybe sometime in the future, but not now.
SO, looking back in my life, I see where I thought I was just getting older and starting to slow down and gaining a little more weight that was causing me to have a bit of difficulty breathing at times. I even went through a surgery around the 2000-2001 time frame that they went in and tried to find out why the sack around the lungs was thickened. They had inconclusive results, I have a 6" scar on my side. I remember being in my 40's and was at either Senior or Advanced Army NCO Academy doing a land navigation course where we actually get to read a map and see how the map shows it. Our squad went running up a hill of about 30 degree or more of an incline and I ended up the last one, huffing and puffing up the hill. An instructor came sliding back down the hill asking: "Are you all right Sargent?". . . to which I replied: "Sure, I'm just a bit older than they rest of you!" I was never one to purposefully go out and exercise if I didn't have to. But then again I was blessed to have a metabolism rate that kept me fairly thin for a lot of years. But that is one of the indicators I see in hindsight that doesn't really mean a thing other than it started somewhere, that could be pretty close to when.
This is what I actually have been diagnosed as having:
Idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis is an inflammatory lung disorder of unknown origin (idiopathic) characterized by abnormal formation of fibrous tissue (fibrosis) between the tiny air sacs (alveoli) or ducts of the lungs. Coughing and rapid, shallow breathing occur with moderate exercise. The skin may appear slightly bluish (cyanotic) due to lack of circulating oxygen. Complications such as infection,emphysema or heart problems may develop.
As it was described to me, the lungs are normally like a latex balloon....my condition is my lungs are like a paper sack. But with understanding that I can not (nor ever intended to) run any marathons, let alone, come in the top ten runners, I should do ok with a normal life. So as I am thinking that this is going to only be another bump in the road, I can continue to move toward my goal of helping to make my part of the world that God has blessed me with, a better place by doing something with my life that makes a difference to those around me. Looking back, perhaps I have already partially accomplished that, but there is more to do, I am sure. Have you ever done something that you had felt wasn't complete? Get out there and do something about then.
When Pat's Father left us, we both felt that our job was done in Nevada and that He had another mission for us in Tennessee where our daughter Amy had moved to when she finished up her college degree at Lambuth University in Jackson, TN. Sure enough, God provides work for those that are seeking, and although I was and still am, retired from a couple different careers, I joined the local church here in Rutherford, and started leading the music during worship, kind of like I did for 20 years in Henderson, only without the advantage of the Celebration Music Team! Then I decided to let the district know I was in town and asked if I could help with anything. They seemed to like that question, so I went to work helping to advance our United Methodist Lay Speaker program in the Brownsville District of the Memphis Annual Conference. I also had the grand opportunity to start filling in for church pastors that were on vacations, sick, at conferences, etc. That was a wonderful opportunity to serve the Lord and share the message of Jesus that was put on my heart. Then the best thing that has ever happened to me was to fill an upcoming vacancy in a small country church near Humboldt TN.
This is the dangerous part here. Because of my health, I needed to take some time away and get my health back. That was primary. . . and still is. That is what I am focusing on right now, and will be for a while until I get stronger, and breathing gets better. My goal is to be able to make myself available for another chance at doing the work that God has set out for me. Whatever form that will take, it to be found out when it happens. I had no idea what He had in store for me when we moved here, I am sure it will be something that will be great when it happens again. I do know that the ten months of serving a small country church as a part-time Pastor plus some extra time of visitation when I could, was the BEST time I can remember — EVER! Other than meeting my beautiful bride and marrying her, of course.
So now I wait. I do everything the doctors tell me to do. I take the treatments, and the medicines. I even went for a walk up the street last evening to deliver some Girl Scout Cookies to a neighbor. They weren't home, but got to visit with another one that was out washing his truck. So today I may make the trip again, just to get a little exercise, and see if the purchaser of the cookies will be home. I WILL re-gain, to the best of my ability and with God's help, my health. I feel so strongly that God hasn't brought me here for only a 10 month mission of love, sharing and caring, for the people of a small, country church.
There is something out there for each and every one of us IF we open our ears, close our mouths and listen for God's whisper. We get so bound up with "STUFF" and activity that we forget where our priorities are sometimes. Yes, most of us have to work for a living... and that takes time. Most of us have families with children, and yes, that takes time. Most of us have hobbies, sports, or other "time taker uppers", but try to stop and listen for a while each night before going to bed or each morning when you awake. While you are stopped and listening, try talking to God. Let Him know you are listening to Him. Of course, He already knows what is on your heart, so He can't be fooled....just a warning for you. But to have such an awesome God that actually WANTS to hear from you, deserves some time to cultivate an attitude of prayer and a relationship worth the effort.
I could go on, but what would be the point? The point has already been made. Life is not over until God's right timing. A person can debate the why's and the who's and the how-to's, all day long on theology, ancient religions, make believe and made up philosophies, and any thing else to make excuses of all that, but there are a large number of Christian believers that have chosen to follow our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and NOBODY can dispute what is in our hearts about our God, His Son, and the Holy Spirit. That is what is important. We can assist others in understanding our mission, but that doesn't mean they HAVE to believe as we do. We offer Jesus to them, it is their choice to take Him. Our mission is to go out and Make Disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world. That is what I intend to do now and in the future, however and wherever I can. When I go home to the Glory of God, I will rejoice, but my job here is not done yet. Go on out and do something with your life today.
Blessings,
Gary
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